Daily Archives: December 30, 2011
Ready, Set, Next!
by Lindsay Kriger
Dating can feel like the longest marathon ever run. You think you see the finish line. Then nope — that’s not it. And OMG – some runner’s cut in front of you. Or you’ve been disqualified because you had too many Red Bulls. Or you’re the wrong nationality. So, there you are again. Starting over!
I am here to tell you not to get discouraged. Seriously: DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED!
I know it’s tough when you’ve been on a gazillion and one bad dates. Or worse, a gazillion and one bad dates after you’ve just broken up with the guy you thought was #theone. It might feel like there is a scarcity of great men. However, this just isn’t so.
You are probably wondering: Well, why can’t I find any of them?
I have a couple theories, one or all of which may be true for you!
1. You think, therefore you get. Have you ever noticed that when you look for red cars, you see red cars? Everywhere! Same goes for what you think about men. If you think there are no quality men, sure enough, only Red Toyota Men will show up on your radar. You’d probably even mistake a Red Ferrari Man for a Red Toyota Man.
2. There is a sorting problem. Let’s say you’ve found a Red Ferrari Man. Instead of being yourself, you’re trying to be who you think you need to be to drive this Red Ferrari Man into your arms. The problem? You don’t drive stick shift. Meaning? You won’t be able to keep it up for long. (Um…pardon the sexual entrendres. I usually try to keep it to romantic entendres!) Before long, either you’ll get tired and sort him out, or he’ll end up sorting you out because he’ll realize you’re not a Mrs. Red Ferrari Driver. No worries! You are not going to be compatible with everyone. You must accept that this dating thing is a sorting process. You might as well make it easier for everyone and be who you really are. Let the sorting process happen early on. The dudes who like you will come back for more. The ones who don’t, and who let you know that, have saved everyone time. Also, please don’t hesitate to sort yourself out for other people – saving them time!
3. Stop being discouraged! If you’re discouraged, you’re wearing Desperation Perfume – which is not a pretty smell to guys. (And not endorsed by If Only I Knew.) Remember, your belief system creates your aura. You need to show up giving off a heaven-scented aura of confidence and happiness. Solution: Swap that Desperation Perfume for Radiance Perfume. Feel genuinely self-assured, enthusiastic and whole, and you will be the most beautiful and attractive version of yourself.
The main thing is to keep on living your life. Believe me; I know what you’re going through. Once upon a time I thought that I had found #theone. Turns out, he was #theone who broke my heart. In my experience, I had a devastating breakup with a man – or to keep with my analogy, I personally crashed what I thought was a Red Ferrari man into a tree – and then, when I was recovering from the crash, I began to think I was seeing only Red Toyota Men everywhere. Soon I became convinced I would never meet a Red Ferrari man ever again. I thought great men were Ford Edsels – something they stopped producing in my grandparents’ generation. But as I became more open to the idea that great men do exist, and that I deserve one – then more great men started to appear in my life.
I want to leave you with a helpful analogy from best-selling author Karen Salmansohn. She explains that when Christopher Columbus was looking for America, he knew he was going in the right direction as he sailed because he kept seeing twigs, signifying the presence of trees somewhere out there. These twig sightings kept Chris motivated to keep pursuing his goal. Sure enough, ol’ Chris eventually hit land. Similarly, I now see that each man I’ve dated since Josh – though they might not have been #theone – they’ve each been a twig, letting me know I’m getting closer and closer to land.
I’m sorry, guys, for comparing you to twigs. Please excuse.
Relationshipologist Lindsay Kriger is a girl on a mission: to help us make peace with the opposite sex, and prevent future heartache. The If Only I Knew will be a fun, honest look at the world of dating, love, and sex – Lindsay offers advice and stories on a huge variety of topics and types of guys. She gives steady encouragement to her readers – in fact, “Don’t get discouraged!” is one of her main rules. She’ll help her generation navigate the minefield that is dealing with dating.
