Wow! Forgive me as I take a moment to collectively gather myself *breathe…inhale 1, 2, 3, 4 exhale 1, 2, 3, 4*. As I sit here pouring out my soul – it’s down right impossible to hold back the burst of warm fluid that is now caressing it’s way down my cheeks. I’m usually such a private person. So much so that I rarely give into gossip, frivolous lies or chase down rumors! In fact, I rather let Karma *my fave bitch* be my avenger *btw, this movie looks awesome*!
Today, these words of empowerment & inspiration – I dedicate to my beautiful children, whom I devote my life…and believe me, I have.
You see, exactly a year ago *May 1st to be exact*, I had to swallow my pride – with 3 innocents in tow, and walk out on a decade long commitment of trust and honor (on my behalf), only to witness it be summarized and coated in mistrust and deception (his behalf). You can not imagine the things that came back to me…but eventually I realized that I so wanted more out of life.
My 110% to his 1% never looked uglier. But for some reason, God allowed me to see through the veil, allowing me to glance at a happier and deeper fulfilled self! I suddenly had an epiphany! This situation was not my size, shape nor color! It suited me in no way whatsoever! Yes, I wanted so much more – especially for my two teen girls and my then 3 month old son! I stopped asking why? how? and saw my situation for what it was! I was about to get stuck carrying the bag and I had absolutely no where to turn! So, instead I turned to God!
This revelation showed me what I truly yearned. I was well aware of the life I led and realized that I couldn’t and wouldn’t rest until it was my reality! 10 years of my life, now piled onto the previous past traumas. Everything felt like 10 tons and I didn’t believe that I was that strong to lift any of it! Suddenly, I was a victim – a woman baring low self-esteem and self-doubt. How was it possible that I allowed myself to love someone more than I loved myself? Why was it so easy for him to drain me of my essential essence?
The why? how? factor rapidly change, since I noticed that he couldn’t even get his story straight! Each version changed with the passing of mutual friends. And then my “ah ha” moment dawned through the dark clouds. No longer was I willing to allow anyone to overshadow my divinity and deprive me of my inner butterfly! So, for a very difficult and heart aching 9 months, I sacrificed and struggled, all the while adorning a smile to keep my heart from shattering and to avoid the sympathy! I even set mini goals, focused very hard on Media Maven & Elite Socialistas *story behind ES coming soon*. Each and every one of your letters showed me that I was more than meets-the-eyes! But the icing on the cake came when I realized that (1) I had the law on my side & (2) I set out make a home in a new state and I did…seeing my goals through to fruition was absolutely priceless! I fought hard and I conquered…
As women, we are capable of so much but we allow others to rob us of our victory. I realized that each one of my children marked a milestone of my past that was very tragic – but in their innocent eyes I saw my victory! I no longer allowed anyone to rob me of what was mine. My spirituality led me to a sacred relationship with God, who showed me how to launch and take flight.
With undying Love & Appreciation to you my readers…
Today, I embrace my experiences – the good & the bad – and allow them to propel me further along my coveted quest to success and fulfillment. I dare anyone to try to get my trust and/or LOVE, without putting in an application, going through a rigorous interview/screening, background check – the works! I refuse to spend anymore time on anyone who contributes nothing to the bigger picture! Instead, I continue to rise above the ignorance and immaturity, leaving that for the meek and unenlightened and chose to carry my God-given blessings (my children & talents) which in turn makes the achievement factor all the more sweeter!
I listen stronger, harder to my inner intuitive Goddess, for you see, she guides and protects me unlike any other can or will. She showed me that my trials and tribulations a year ago and beyond where going to be blessings in disguise. I know now that even though the silver lining can be if not impossible to see, is actually right in front you very eyes. But we have to be awakened and alert to the shining light which guides us to our fate.
As a single mother of a diversely multicultural background, I can spot racism, sexism and hatred a mile away, Instead, I elevate…even now, with the weight of my past rearing it’s ugly head every now and then, but I try not to stay down for too long! I can’t waste anymore time. I look back on growing up without stability, foundation and unconditional love (imagine competing with other family members for the feeling to simply belong) – and noticed the rippled effect, which if I’m not careful…will consume me, and that is not an option for me!
This woman knows that there is power in words, so I choose mine wisely, as well as the company I keep or rather, the so called “loved” ones I surround myself with. No more second guessing myself. My beauty will continue to shine, hopefully shedding some much needed light, touching the very essence of other women out there who suffer similar or worst fate than I. Many aren’t as lucky as I was, to make it to a place of serene bliss *although, not 100% there, but 85% rooted* As a sister of light, it only makes sense that the darkness will target, but I am more prepared and skilled. My desire to help and give back won’t ever allow me to give up. And I hope my words and the brief glimpse into my world – won’t allow you to either! Happy Mother’s Day Darlings!